Plan B is the new Plan A
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
