she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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