I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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