Soap is not a condiment
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
