U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
