If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
