Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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