So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
