You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
