Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
