i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
