EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
