this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
