I wish I only lived at night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
