Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
