My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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