I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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