Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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