Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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