she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
