If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
