Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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