How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
