you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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