Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize