do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
