home. puking in laundry basket.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish there were birth control emojis
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
