Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
