So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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