bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
