forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
