I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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