you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
