On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
