I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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