I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
