So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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