He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
