i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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