The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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