Soap is not a condiment
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
how does that bad decision feel?
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