Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
