So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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