I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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