you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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