I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the day after is always just damage control
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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