Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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