I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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