My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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