if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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