Your face is a jimmy john
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
