last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
