Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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