Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
