it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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