have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
