is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
