yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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