I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
