i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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