i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she smelled like a LAN party
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
