we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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