Already got asked if we're dating
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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