I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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