i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
