nut hugger
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
