I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
