I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
