Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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