True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
