then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
