hotel room ftw
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
