all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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